I'm trying to wrap my mind around the fact that the few sentences I heard after being awaken while in the midst of a deep sleep was a confession I never thought I could hear or take, without a tinge of various emotions running through my self being.
Listening to such minor accusations which somehow, I believe, had more concerns in depth, brought me back to yesteryear, in times when I had similar scenes in a past life I once lived. And up until this very moment, I can't help but wonder..is it really something worth looking into, or escalating to the higher level of deranged emotions? And when all is on its highest peak, is is really necessary to provide more for the fire to lick on?
But the thing which continues it's intrguing journey is, it isn't ok at all. It isn't ok to have someone who is supposed to trust you wholeheartedly doubt that trust and believe other inappropriate relations comes along the sides of what seems to be a healthy relationship. It isn't ok to include insignificant third party into a heated argument. It isn't ok to compare one's relationship to someone else's delirious one. So why am I trying my hardest to believe that it is?
Maybe I'm looking at it all from the wrong angles and it's time I consider moving toward a rather different and foreign perspective. Maybe the problem doesn't lie within what's surrounding me and what direction these fingers are pointing to. Maybe the real problem, really lies with me and my ways.
If it's ok to talk to my partner's friends or share a joke and laugh at or with them, or give a friendly hug to a best friend of a million years, it isn't ok through the eyes and emotions of a normal person. If it's ok to compare yourself to the most hated and nonsensical person I have ever known, it's not ok to me.
Maybe that makes more perfect sense that what I've learnt or seen, or my upbringing in my younger days.
Afterall, I've always been an outcast, the only one who stands out from a group of friends and can be a threat; The Distinguished One. I get it.
It makes perfect sense to me now.
This is where I portray the many unfolding chapters of my life, in mute.