I can't seem to write anymore, and it's getting really frustrating. Whatever happened to direction?
Never have I felt so whole, yet so lost at the same time. I've backspaced far too many times that I usually do, and after each time I do so, I kick myself harder and ask the same questions.
I'm tired of waiting for something to inspire me. A miraculous inspiration to reel me back in.
It feels like I'm in a nightmare. Except, I'm the one behind the wheel, driving. I'm trying to put my head in third gear, and fast forward all the bad things just so I'll derive in a preferable time I'm completely comfortable in. When it's all over, and the life that I've always dreamed about starts settling in. I'm so stressed out, I'm struggling, so much, trying to survive and make my way through.
Life hasn't really been easy, but I still want to try to live it. I need to. But each time I'm about to stand on my feet and fight the battles, I get sucked right back into the quicksand, and the world begins crumbling again. I'm losing hope, and faith, and everything else I believe in. I'm back in the black dimension, a place I swore I never wanted to be in, ever. The vision of that happy and peaceful island in my head is slowly deteriorating, and I'm losing my grip. It still isn't easy for me to let anyone else in, and it breaks my heart so much, because I wish this could all go away. Because I want someone to take the pain away, at the same time, I don't want them to feel the pain that I do.
I'm beginning to keep my feelings bottled up again, and that's not a good thing. Especially when I've got the most supportive team on my side.
Maybe I just need to cry.
....Wait. I've already done that.
Just how do I stop this? :'(
This is where I portray the many unfolding chapters of my life, in mute.