It's funny how you have this sudden incomprehensible feeling at such an odd time of the night, especially when your play list plays soundtracks which reminds you of your haunting pasts. A feeling, which seems like a compilation of excitement and enthusiasm, as well as sadness. A feeling of having lost something really important, but you can't get hold of that thought of what it is you've lost or missed because it's so far within your reach. But when you're just as close into grasping onto it, it slips through your fingers so effortless and easily.
It's frustrating to encounter such feelings, because it gets a little harder to lay your head on your comfortable pillow and drift off to your respective dreamland and create disillusioned images in your head, images which are pleasant through your eye lenses, capturing the happy moments, some of which are just wishful thinking of your part and most probably wouldn't come true any time soon. Maybe during the rare moments of your life when you least expect it, but that almost never happens.
Not being able to sleep, you stay awake and your head goes into second gear, and your past life flashes before your very eyes. Your mind starts to flip through the pages of your memories like a textbook, like a written diary, and arrives at selective pages where particular scenarios are being played back and put together into a movie, and you're being forced to watch it all again, but as an audience rather than being the main character. You begin to recollect past information and begin to feel..something. Hurt, shame, anger, confusion, everything all blended well surprisingly until it becomes this ball of emotions stuck in your throat that you can't seem to get rid of. You only start to realise that you left a whole load behind, and up until this very day, you still ponder..
You have the sudden urge of being in a whole other dimension, in a world where only your kind understands what goes on at the back of your head. You wish to be surrounded by a comfortable ambiance, having allowed the freedom of speech, free and easy, where you could behave and be understood as an individual, where your voices are heard loud and clear and not feel chucked far aside. You want to break free, and press on the rewind button in life, a button which actually exists and works in real life. You wish to go back in time and live in the time when life was so simple and easy, where complications never existed, where it was far too early before you ever had to go through the hardest part of your life - the hurt, the pain and sorrows, the part where you kept falling and couldn't pick yourself up. When everything was as innocent, it was easy to smile and laugh with no effort of any kind. You would do anything to feel that way again, and you spend hours wishing and hoping that the wish dust you have firm grip on would take you away, far away from reality.
Your thoughts begin to deteriorate and you're snapped back to where you're standing and you wonder, where have all the good old days gone to?
Intriguing, isn't it.
This is where I portray the many unfolding chapters of my life, in mute. 
