The whole of Team NYP had a surprise gathering outside of Poly Forum, and I had a blast. Bowling (that was when I had my stupid sprain), NYAA Gold Award's ceremony (when we saw S.R Nathan live, and was so close to shaking his hand), and prawn fishing at Punggol. That incredible bond gets tighter each time. And everything was paid for, we didn't even have to come out with a single cent, and that means goooooood.
The highlight for that day would probably be the outing with them, but to me, it meant something more. Oh how I have wished with all my might that Friday night would last forever. Or maybe, the time would miraculously stop and I could spend it for as long as I wanted. This thing with the distance, it's driving me insane. I'm already living with one of my closest friends, whom I regard as family, the one person who knows me inside out, and has been by my side ever since, staying miles away from me. Not being able to see her or come over unannounced each time I just needed someone to be there for me. Even though she's a text message away, it's never always the same whenever we all go out and there's an empty seat. I've learned to adapt to that new change, I don't want another to leave.
The phrase "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" sounds implausibly cliched, something that shouldn't be true, and something I refuse to believe in, but the fact is, it is what it is and I'm running out of excuses to run away from it. It's frustrating at times. And the pain, that crave for something you can't have, it's unbearable and excruciating. It's frustrating, when the person leaves you to do something he can't escape from, and you're left behind to wait for years. When the sudden absence makes you realise that you're beginning to fall to the ground, but nobody is there to catch you. And so many times you've tried to deny it, because of the consequences. You push the thoughts out of your head, and try to control it, but sooner or later, it still goes back to the starting point. You can't fight it anymore, you let your guard down, you decided to open up just a little and give in. But it gets harder when that person isn't around most of the time. And that is so frustrating, to have to miss them so much, and yet can't do anything but distract yourself by getting into committees and doing different things, like organizing events, or go shopping, or clean the house. Or do anything you've never done before in your entire life. It gets harder when all you see at the back of your mind is that one face, but you can't reach for it. You're strong, and you've got the strength to fight through this hurdle of life, yet it isn't easy at all. It gets harder, it gets even more frustrating. Because only you yourself know that somehow, maybe the super girl side of you doesn't always function every time. And that there would always be one point of time when you're at your weakest state. And you just can't fight anymore.
And that is when it gets harder, it gets more frustrating.
One heart is made up of many pieces which makes it a whole. I've lost a few pieces, some of which I am sure I could never get back. I am not ready to lose a few more.
I am changing my blog url for real this time. Do not relink me please!
Good night.
This is where I portray the many unfolding chapters of my life, in mute. 