Because sometimes we have to rescue ourselves.
I'm sitting in this room, all my thoughts kept within these four walls. The radio is playing sounds that just seem to hit that particular spot, filling in the silence that once took over a few hours ago. Finally, peace. A time when I can have some all to myself, without the heavy knocks on my door or the sister whining about what to wear to work the next day. A time, when I can sort it all out, and take my time to do so without any time frames or whatsoever.
I was trying to post an entry in my blog yesterday, but as my fingers touched the keyboard, all the words that I've set to be typed got messed up in an instant, and it took quite some time for me to sort them out to construct one simple sentence. But I couldn't do it. It was too messed up, that all I was capable of doing was stare blankly at the loaded page, with nothing in my head to be jotted down. I updated a little about our mother's day's lunch, but I felt so sucky, that I was at the verge of deleting every single detail that I typed. I'm feeling the same way right now, like I'm typing nonsensical lyrics to a song which has no direction, no melody or any meaning to it. Just like there seemed to be no direction or any meaning in life currently. Empty. Yes, I am feeling a little empty. Now it's flowing.
Have you ever felt like there's something missing in your life? You may have the greatest girlfriends, a loving boyfriend, good grades, school's all fun and alright for you, and that everything in your life is just right. You have it all a normal girl would have in her life, but there's just one disturbing feeling that spoils the whole image. You feel a little lost, like there is something a miss, something that was meant to be there, but isn't there anymore. Or maybe something, that should be there, but you haven't found it yet, and you can't put a finger at what is it that you are missing. The feeling of emptiness, not even your closest pals could help fill in with as much laughter and happiness as always. A feeling that cannot be explained, that is beyond apprehension. You are happy, but at the same time, you've got this awful pressing feeling in your chest, and your heart starts to weigh, you feel it falling and sinking deeper and deeper, and it keeps sinking and wouldn't land, you haven't gotten the slightest idea when it'll stop.
Yes. Imagine. It sucks, I know. But there's always this confusion about the things that had happened lately, which up until now, even I don't seem to understand the reasons why.
However, I know what can make me feel better, without doing much but just stand right here by my side.
Life will always have its climax moments, and its downfalls. Shit happens, and sometimes, it just does. And nobody can ever stop these things from happening either. Even though there are reasons to why it happens, it'll take some time, even years, to read between the lines and understand the messages hidden within. Patience, that's all it takes. Just how long more do we have to suffer in misery to even understand them, because really, it gets frustrating most of the time.
I keep telling myself, it's ok. It's going to be ok. Because just like before, despite how much was falling on top of me, things fell back into place eventually. Sure, it took some time, but it still came back. I have to have faith and hope once more, and it will all be ongoing and great again.
Oh how I wish I really have that time machine now. I can skip this part of my life and go straight to the future, and live the life I've been playing in my head. Living in euphoria, with no complications. With everything set out, there wouldn't be a need to keep wondering or experiencing this empty feeling. We may feel like time passes by real quickly, but at times like this, if only time would pass by a little bit faster.
20 May 2008; I am looking forward to this day. This day, hopefully, will be the one day this irritating feeling would drain away with just one glance, one smile, and three little words I can hardly say out loud. It is gonna be a little difficult, but so help me god, let it be possible. Because it's been too long, far too long, and this absence is torturing me too much.
But until then, all I gotta do is put this anxiety and empty feeling aside, and live life as it is. And again, I just have to smile my way through. It is going to be ok. It has to be.
Lecture's about to begin.
This is where I portray the many unfolding chapters of my life, in mute. 
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